Is there any hope for these?

[Pugsley]

I'm going to give it a shot and try to bring them along slowly. If it takes a year it's no big deal. I don't think I've smoked 3 cigars in the last 5 years, so I'll just puff on my pipe and check them every few weeks.

[Rocket Scientologist]

I don't think I've smoked 3 cigars in the last 5 years, so I'll just puff on my pipe and check them every few weeks.

Since you forgot about these for years and hardly ever smoke cigars, why not give them to someone who
1. Does smoke cigars
2. Is willing to give them the TLC they need
3. Has the patience to bring them back to life and
4. Is willing to risk all that work with the possibility they're not any good?

And this is not me asking for them, numbers 3 and 4 do not apply to me.

[Pugsley]

Since you forgot about these for years and hardly ever smoke cigars, why not give them to someone who
1. Does smoke cigars
2. Is willing to give them the TLC they need
3. Has the patience to bring them back to life and
4. Is willing to risk all that work with the possibility they're not any good?

And this is not me asking for them, numbers 3 and 4 do not apply to me.

How would I find a person with the saintly attributes you list?