Back by Popular Demand: Tobias' Po' Boy Masochist Extravaganza

[Tobias Lutz]

2. Oro Cubano Aniversario
This cigar’s band advertises “Hecho a Mano” or “Handmade”. It’s a good thing they clear this up, otherwise I might be compelled to call and suggest they have their rolling machine repaired. This was an ugly cigar to look at with quite a number of wrinkles in the wrapper and two nicks that cut through to the binder. It was however better packed than stick #1 . 7 inches long and firm [insert potty humor here], it had a decent draw and burned well through the first half with zero touch-ups. It wasn’t a razor sharp line, but it managed to correct itself. The second half was another story altogether.

This cigar started off with a “bright” grassy note which wasn’t half bad. It was accompanied by a slight sweetness and overall it had a mild profile. I thought going into this that I would find one or two really palatable cigars amongst the 30 and I began to think this was the first…WRONG. After a couple inches the flavor developed a somewhat chemical sweetness that made it taste like I had just licked a whole bunch of envelopes. The cap was getting pretty soggy (and I’m not a “wet” smoker), and the draw became weaker, though not from the cap issues. About halfway through the cigar began to tunnel and I knew something was wrong. It was as if it hit a knot of tobacco and moisture because the burn faded fast into a tunnel and the flavor became acrid like wet tobacco. The remainder of my time with the stick was bitter and unpleasant.

Single best part of the cigar: If like when I recall several ex-girlfriends, I can forget about the last half, then I can say confidently the first was pretty enjoyable.

Single worst part of the cigar: Whatever in the hell happened at the 4” mark (tunneling, horrible flavor, etc.)

An overall rating on a scale of 1-10: 5.3 (a good churchill to have quickly on a smoke break at work)

[Tobias Lutz]

12. Contraband

This was an 8” from Po Boy III. It had an ugly wrapper (looked like it was water damaged with light and dark spots.) There were a couple large veins but the cap was affixed nicely. The wrapper was lifting up in one spot, but there weren’t any cracks in the cigar. It was filled pretty evenly and the foot looked decent. It had an awesome tie-dye colored band which made it look like a cigar you would find between the flip-flops and sea shells in a shop at Myrtle Beach. The punch was clean and the draw was solid with the faintest hint of cocoa.

Initially the cigar tasted stale. This was combined with a flavor or grass and cardboard. About 1/3 of the way into the cigar the cap disintegrated and ended up in my mouth. I spit that piece of the wrapper out and continued to smoke. About halfway through the smoke assumed a medium profile but became acrid at the same time. Shortly after this the cap was completely gone and the wrapper unfurled several inches down the length of the stick. St this point I chucked it out the window of my car as I was in no position to try and make repairs (not that I could have at this point). While it is named "contraband", I'm not sure anyone would even bother sneaking this one into a prison in their rectum- it's not worth the effort.

The single best part of the cigar: The cool tie-died hippy gay pride band. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy.
The single worst part of the cigar: The fact that I couldn’t smoke it past 4” because it self destructed.
Overall rating on a scale of 1-10: 4.0 (It couldn’t even make it into the latter rounds, what am I supposed to do with that?)

[Tobias Lutz]

22. Stogies (Gold Leaf Label)
This was another 8” from the Po Boy III and the second Stogies brand cigar in the smaplers (hence the label description). It was medium brown with a couple small, thin veins and a handful of wrinkles in the wrapper. I could feel a seriously soft spot an inch above the foot. The cap was horrible. It was lifting up in a couple areas when I took it out of the cellophane. All these sticks are made in the D.R., so I can’t help but wonder if these are the rollers who will eventually by making LPs for Drew Estates, or are these the ones who were recently fired from there? The foot had a mild scent of cocoa powder. I managed to punch it without destroying the cap and the draw was as tight as yesterday’s smoke. When I pulled on it like I was sucking cement through a Slurpee straw I picked up on something like freshly hewn lumber.
This one was a disaster from the word go. It began with a flavor similar to overcooked Brussels sprouts. You could pick up on a little sweetness in there, but it was overwhelmed by an unnecessary bitterness. This moved on to the highlight of the cigar flavorwise, a brief period of wet mowed grass that lasted all of 5 minutes. From there I went on a tour de force from doused campfire, to a taste like you would get eating licorice while sitting behind a truck that billowed diesel fumes into your car window. In the end this cigar was like a couch manufacture to CA flame retardant standards- it did nothing but smolder and put off noxious fumes.

The single best part of the cigar: The grassy puffs very early on.
The single worst part of the cigar: The way it made me feel shameful for smoking it.
Overall rating on a scale of 1-10: 4.5 (These points are almost exclusively for the fact I never had to touch up the burn, which though sometimes ugly always managed to pick itself up by its bootstraps.)